Why do guys want to be friends before dating


It Was Weird and Confusing

What exactly does it mean when a guy wants to be friends first? - guyQ by AskMen

I know a lot of people find the friends first approach more relaxed and organic. I embrace whatever works for each individual! But I have NO doubt that the friends first thing is not for me! To go into a new relationship with an intentionally ambiguous maybe-we-will-eventually-have-chemistry is unsatisfactory, confusing, and unappealing to me.

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The good news is that this is another instance where a specific dating experience provided clarity for me. But my personality is more comfortable understanding that this relationship is defined as a friendship and nothing more.

Bonnie was off the dating market from when she met her now ex-husband till early She has been online dating on-and-off for over 4 years. She has gone out on at least first dates, interacted with over guys, and reviewed at least profiles.

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A recent study provides some useful insight. The Setup Researchers from the University of Texas at Austin and Northwestern University brought in dating and married couples and asked them how long they had known their partner and how long they'd been romantically involved.


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The difference between each length of time was considered the period during which couples were friends or acquaintances before dating. After that, the couples were interviewed on camera so that a team of coders could "scientifically" rate how physically attractive they thought each person in the couple was on a scale of -3 very unattractive to 3 very attractive.

To make sure one partner's attractiveness wasn't influencing the coders' perceptions of the other partner, the researchers had a second team of raters judge each person while one half of the screen was covered so that they could only see one person at a time. Both methods of rating attractiveness yielded similar results, and coders tended to give comparable ratings for each person -- thus, the subjective ratings were considered to be reliable assessments by the researchers.

Friendship Before Relationship: 12 Reasons Why You Should Accept Being His Friend

Presumably, these people were "conventionally attractive," since they received more or less the same reaction from a large group of people. The Findings Couples were divided about evenly between those who were friends before dating 40 percent and those who were not 41 percent. The other 20 percent of respondents either didn't answer the question or gave different answers from their partners about whether or not they were friends before dating free advice: He wanted to be your friend, but for some reason, you twisted and turned it and did everything you could to try to convince him that being friends was not what you wanted and that you wanted a relationship.

After years of trying to convince him, you finally decided it was time to give up and walk away, but yet it took you a long time to let go. Friendship is the first thing you need and very important when it comes to developing a relationship.

A Very Good Reason To Be Friends Before Dating, Courtesy of Science

Being friends gives you the opportunity to get to know the person for who he is and gives you the opportunity to learn things about him that you would not have learned otherwise. When you jump into a relationship without being friends first, all types of issues and challenges occur, and you begin to expect more from the person and sometimes set unrealistic expectations. Why put so much pressure on someone because of your own expectations and desires?


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When you develop a genuine friendship, there are no expectations, you can be yourself, he can be himself, and you can learn everything you want to know about each other. Basically, you put the ball in his hands and you give him the opportunity to lead. Many times, being friends is the best option, although it sucks, and you feel horrible, being friends is not so bad.

You get to know the real him and not who he pretends to be.

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